I get asked a lot about my decision to leave Toronto and though my initial response is light and fluffy it’s a bit deeper than that.

I’ve had a deep-seated “I need to gtfouttahere” feeling which started about 5 years ago. I’d been living in Toronto, Canada for just shy of 10 years and it was around that time when the city just started to look the same – muted, lacklustre, drug and alcohol-infused; I wanted to get out. My days and nights were the same. Work followed by play and it truly felt like I was circling the drain.

I felt lost.

I had found myself in a relationship which ended up, well, fucking me up real good. Looking back, I knew it wasn’t the right thing for my heart, just as I knew the careers I had landed myself in weren’t right for my life. But like a hamster in a wheel, I just continued to spin.

It wasn’t until I left that relationship that I started to take a good look at my life, outwardly and inwardly. My reflection started to clear and I began to take accountability for the outcome thus far in my life and knew that things needed to change. So, I focused on fixing the lack of self-worth that I had and started to look at life a little bit differently. I felt personal growth and when I looked at my surroundings through my fresh set of eyes it was simple; I was single and living in a city that felt like a grey cloud.

So I gripped my balls and decided to do something I’ve always wanted to do but never had the *erm balls to do it. Go to Italy, solo. I booked that flight, set up 5 weeks’ worth of Airbnbs and had my first panic attack, “Should I be doOoinNg this?!”. I was going to a country I had never been to before and doing it all on my lonesome.

And let me tell you – a fire was lit under my ass in the best way possible. As mushy and eye-rolling as this sounds, I met myself for the first time. I wanted to get lost every day. I was completely and totally obsessed with everything I was seeing and feeling. The architecture, how integrated people were in each other’s lives, the simplicity, the sea, the sun – you name it, I got wet over it. And just like that, I was hooked. I saw myself there. I wanted to grow there, explore myself there and completely uproot my life to do it.

So, that’s exactly what I did. I got a one-year working holiday visa, (more to come on that) packed up my life, quit my job and moved within 6 months of returning from my initial trip.

It’s been the most exhilarating thing I’ve ever experienced and I am so thankful that I followed my heart and my head in a direction that will serve me nothing but joy and beauty.

So, here’s my amateur tip. If you’re feeling stuck and you’re at a point in your life where everything feels like it’s in limbo and you’re not sure which direction to go in – go in the direction that calls to your heart, the direction that creates mirages when you walk down the same streets you’ve walked down for years. Seriously, follow it. I truly believe that that’s where magic lives and everyone is capable of experiencing it.

Written by Jaid Newstead

May 15th, 2024